Prologue

From a torn out page from my old-er diary.


I had to go, everything's a mess!

I just started college and I didn't expect it to be like this. It's a jungle out there, people stabbing each other's back. I can't stand it. I've always wanted to be invisible and under the limelight when it comes to issues and stuff, but turns out this school is like a grapevine where people will eventually find "the dirt" even if you think you didn't have any, nor even if you're the nicest person in the world. I wouldn't even want to say what those issues are 'coz from here on, I decided that it's a waste of my childish time.

I need a refresher; anyway it's just been a few months since I graduated from high school. I'm just skipping a  term just so I can avoid these people who made an ish  out of me. I'm sure you'd think I'm escaping and that I'm such a big coward, but hey who needs crap in your life? I don't.

And as if its not enough, right now I don't have any idea of what I'm doing with my life right now. You see, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things. Its been two years since I accepted wholeheartedly that I'm gay. But honestly... I still don't get it. Did I just say that? So that makes me still sort of new to the club.

Its just so recent that I found out that gay people nowadays aren't the typical parloristas we used to know. Now, especially here in the city, you won't even know who's gay or who's not. Now, guys who looks so perfect and who looks so good wouldn't pass as a straight guy. And what makes that more interesting is that the other guy whom he's holding hands with is as perfect as he is.

I know, I know. It sounds very subjective, but that makes me believe that gay people can and is capable of finding love. We wouldn't be lonely anymore for the rest of our lives. And more importantly... I would get one of those love stories I imagined in the middle of my math subject. Generally speaking and the root of this all cause is that I want to know what it feels like. What's that word again? AH! Love, with fruits bearing relationships and commitments.

So, as egoistic, vain, narcissistic or whatever you may want to call it I can't go out there looking like Harry- Potter- gone- Asian- slim. I'm flying abroad not just to escape the hell of the hallways of my school, but also to improve on myself. They say that you should always be prepared when you're about to go to war, so what am about to do serves as my boot camp. The best way to fit in is to be like them. I would be like that geeky character in the movies who looks so bad at first and turns out to be a good- hearted head turner in the end.

And here I am packing my bags, ready for a trip to go abroad where Mom works. We go there every Summer but when I asked her if I could skip a term, she instantly said yes without even asking anything. Like a fairy- god mother, she just said yes answering one wish that I think I would need the most.

But although it may sound fun, there's still one thing that bothers me and something I haven't really thought of in my take-over-the-world-like-plan...

That if love gets into me... What would I do with it?...