What's Next?

Dear Diary,

Today was my first day at school, my palms were sweating crazy I didn't know what to do. This day was sort of like a hiding in the bushes type of day to hide from those people who made my 1st term suck- off. Fortunately, this day was a Regina George free day. Unfortunately, I didn't had anyone to talk to nor at least say hi to.

I did had a group I used to hang out before, but it was like for the sake of being able to have people I can hang out with. Although they're really nice people, I didn't really feel that I belong. 

But there was one person I was able to constantly hang out with and may count as a friend, Liz. She's really nice we we're like sort of the "outcast" of our block before. We got along really well since we both loathed the brats that ruled our block. But now since we're both irregular students I don't really get to see her that much especially because she's way ahead the subjects that I'm taking as of the moment. Though I also know this girl who I used to hang out as often as I hang out with Liz but I keep forgetting her name. Do you find it funny that I suck on people's name? So yes as pathetic as may sound... I'm a loner.

As if not enough, I would have to live with my brother Bart for the rest of my college life whom I despise since the day I was reproduced. When I went home, he acted as if he's the owner of the unit we are renting right now which is just a walk away to school. We used to live with our cousins, but he decided without asking my opinion to move out to experience "independence", doing all this during my vacation out of the country. Honestly this move made a big impact on me which was way over my comfort zone 'coz I got so used to living with my cousins since start of high school and because I really detest living with him.

So, to distress myself I went out for a while and have an evening walk in the polluted streets of Taft Ave. where we now live and get something to eat. I'm not complaining since at least I get time off from all the drama.

I went to this nice restaurant named Munch 'n Gulp, regardless of its name it has a nice and warm ambiance with just a few people hanging out. "This is perfect." I said to myself.

While eating I realized how alone I was, I looked outside the window you'd see group of friends wondering where they would go next and couples enjoying each others attention. If I was in a middle of a movie, the song Mr. Lonely would play freely in the background stabbing me at my back.

And then flashbacks of thoughts during my vacation went back to me. One mainly on the idea of having a relationship. Since the day I found out that gay relationships do work out, I never really separated myself from thoughts of being able to experience that. I realized how inexperienced I am in the world of love. I mean my ideas and perspectives about love doesn't  really count. Don't even get me started with my first REAL kiss since that relationship stared and ended at the same day we dated.

I sometimes think that being so young makes you want to do everything that all adults are capable to do. And for me, the earlier I would be able to to that the better since you'll be able to know what to do next.

I realized how much exited I've become to discover what it feels like.

Status: Ready to date

While I was so consumed with my thoughts, I heard a bang of chairs being pushed on my side. It was this cute guy who's trying to sit down while holding notes and a tray full of food on both hands. I tried to help him by pulling the other chairs that distracts him from sitting.

"Thank you." he said.

"No problem." I said and I tried to smile a bit. I went back to my table and while I was having a sip on my drink, Karl caught my attention by waving at me and said "I'm Karl by the way, I see you're new here."

"Yeah we just moved in. I'm Kent, nice to meet you." I said and we shaked hands for formalities.

It was a short conversation since I was just about to finish my food. When I was getting ready to go Karl said to me, "Hey, maybe you could hang out with me and my friends next time. Mind if we change numbers?"

I had a sudden thought that this Karl- guy seems to be a nice guy and seeing that I would need to met new people I didn't hesitate to give it to him.

Just when I was about to go out of the place, I received a text. It was from Karl.

Karl: Just checking. :) Thanks again, hope we could hang out soon. See you around!

I could not help my self and smiled big and gave him a small wave of my hand.

I turned around, and then I realized this would not be the last day that I would hang out with this guy.

Note to self: Don't wait for adventures to come to you; you can make your own adventures by being both creative and spontaneous, all you have to do is believe.

To new beginnings, 

Prologue

From a torn out page from my old-er diary.


I had to go, everything's a mess!

I just started college and I didn't expect it to be like this. It's a jungle out there, people stabbing each other's back. I can't stand it. I've always wanted to be invisible and under the limelight when it comes to issues and stuff, but turns out this school is like a grapevine where people will eventually find "the dirt" even if you think you didn't have any, nor even if you're the nicest person in the world. I wouldn't even want to say what those issues are 'coz from here on, I decided that it's a waste of my childish time.

I need a refresher; anyway it's just been a few months since I graduated from high school. I'm just skipping a  term just so I can avoid these people who made an ish  out of me. I'm sure you'd think I'm escaping and that I'm such a big coward, but hey who needs crap in your life? I don't.

And as if its not enough, right now I don't have any idea of what I'm doing with my life right now. You see, I feel like I'm missing out on a lot of things. Its been two years since I accepted wholeheartedly that I'm gay. But honestly... I still don't get it. Did I just say that? So that makes me still sort of new to the club.

Its just so recent that I found out that gay people nowadays aren't the typical parloristas we used to know. Now, especially here in the city, you won't even know who's gay or who's not. Now, guys who looks so perfect and who looks so good wouldn't pass as a straight guy. And what makes that more interesting is that the other guy whom he's holding hands with is as perfect as he is.

I know, I know. It sounds very subjective, but that makes me believe that gay people can and is capable of finding love. We wouldn't be lonely anymore for the rest of our lives. And more importantly... I would get one of those love stories I imagined in the middle of my math subject. Generally speaking and the root of this all cause is that I want to know what it feels like. What's that word again? AH! Love, with fruits bearing relationships and commitments.

So, as egoistic, vain, narcissistic or whatever you may want to call it I can't go out there looking like Harry- Potter- gone- Asian- slim. I'm flying abroad not just to escape the hell of the hallways of my school, but also to improve on myself. They say that you should always be prepared when you're about to go to war, so what am about to do serves as my boot camp. The best way to fit in is to be like them. I would be like that geeky character in the movies who looks so bad at first and turns out to be a good- hearted head turner in the end.

And here I am packing my bags, ready for a trip to go abroad where Mom works. We go there every Summer but when I asked her if I could skip a term, she instantly said yes without even asking anything. Like a fairy- god mother, she just said yes answering one wish that I think I would need the most.

But although it may sound fun, there's still one thing that bothers me and something I haven't really thought of in my take-over-the-world-like-plan...

That if love gets into me... What would I do with it?...